Five Key Questions Anyone Asks Before Trusting You

by Judith E. Glaser

When we feel we are gaining and not losing, we play as WE, according to Conversational Intelligence.™ This is the intelligence hardwired into every human being to enable us to navigate successfully with others through language. However, our fear is that someone else will get more. And the fear is always this: I’ll trust you and then what? You’ll stab me in the back?Trust in the workplace

Even though most of us value being considered a partner, the ability to work together interdependently is one of our least-developed skills. This skill is so vital that, in its absence, good leaders turn bad, good executives become ineffective, and good colleagues turn into adversaries. The skill of opening up to others—and of creating the emotional space for others to open up to us—requires deep trust. Trust is the most precious of the golden threads. Without it, there can be no WE.

When we open up to include partners outside of our conventional thinking, we encompass stakeholders and allies beyond the traditional boundaries of the enterprise—including vendors, customers, and donors. We expand the way we work and how we generate value. After all these years, we are starting to see how shifting boundaries—throwing the net wider—is a way to achieve alliances in a new way. With the golden thread of trust, we can weave our lives together like a beautiful tapestry.

WE-centric relationships are built on trust. I trust you will not harm me, and you trust I will not harm you. When we have that level of trust, we do not feel the need to duck into protective behaviors. We automatically assume a mutual support, and we move forward from there.

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The Difference Between a Boss and a Leader

by Helen Whelan

Difference between a boss and a leader

If You Agree, Please Share This

Here’s a question.  If you could earn 10% more than what you earn now but had to work for the boss described on the left, would you?  Or, would you want to work for the leader on the right even though you’d only get a 5% increase?

OK. There’s no way I know your personal situation but just feel which decision you’d want to make.

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Courage to Assert New Behavior to Get What You Want

by Sandra Ford Walston

Jill demonstrated her talents and caught the attention of a city manager. When he phoned Jill to discuss an administrative position, she knew that negotiating the salary would be difficult. “He saw me as someone who could assist him with furthering the organization’s vision. Initially, his offers were below my requirements, but I kept asking for more money. He knew I was ready and willing to walk out the door. So he finally caved in.”asserting new behavior with equal pay

An important step toward professional and financial success is learning to negotiate. Communicating face-to-face or via telephone can prove effective in helping to overcome invisibility and maximize your exposure. Try to avoid email correspondence, which greatly increases the chances for misunderstanding.

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Leadership Free Speech and Gay Rights

by Helen Whelan

​I’ll admit I’m a little sensitive to bias. Who isn’t when you’re on the receiving end?

In this case, it’s that perception of you that guides invisible decisions with very visible results.  If a hiring manager doesn’t like women, Asians, blacks, gays, (pick your distinction) and you come in the door and you’re one of those, you could find yourself rejected for your next great gig or promotion. (You definitely would have dodged a bullet but it hurts nonetheless).  It’s tough enough to win based on facts, but when perceptions creep in, how do you fight that? As much as we try to be data-centric and take these biases out of our decision-making, they creep back in with a vengeance.Mozilla

I  think that’s why the controversy around Mozilla’s CEO, Brendan Eich hit such a nerve with me. Eich has just stepped down from a very short-lived stint as the CEO of Mozilla because of the controversy around his support of Proposition 8 that would have banned same-sex marriage in California. People have argued for his right to free speech and others have said he’s on the wrong side of history, discriminating against gays and their right to be treated fairly and equally as heterosexuals.

It may be because I run a leadership development video training business and all-things leadership fascinate me. I work with some very well-intentioned folks who try to guide their organizations to make fair decisions on talent. But, in this case, it’s also because I spent a large part of my early years as a TV reporter covering business and leaders.

So, when I hear people say he has a right to free speech, I don’t take that lightly. Of course, he does!  BUT…

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Loss and Failure,Increasing Your Batting Average at Work

by Richard French

The number of youth players in baseball has been declining over the last several years. It’s hard. You hit a round ball with a round bat and it’s a game of attrition and failure. There is no place to hide out in baseball. When you’re in the batter’s box, it’s you alone against the pitcher and his team behind him. Yes, your coaches, teammates and fans can support you but there’s only room for one in the batter’s box. And you can ask God for help but you’re still the only one that can swing the bat.sports leadership skills

In any other endeavor, a “success” score of 3 out of 10 would be considered a failure, be it an Econ mid-term, free throws from the foul line, or closing percentage in a sales position. But 3 out of 10 in baseball could get you into the Hall of Fame.

Learning to deal with failure, that long walk from the batter’s box back to the dugout with your head held high, is something that could benefit us all. In today’s world of “everyone gets a trophy,” learning how to face failure, become resilient and try again is the real prize. We’re not always going to get a hit, or score the winning run, or even catch the ball. That’s life. We’re going to fail at some point, or in some cases, many points. It’s about getting back in the batter’s box and not being afraid of striking out again.

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Should Mozilla’s CEO’s Support for Banning Same Sex Marriage Cost Him His Job?

Update: Sorry for the spoiler.  Mozilla’s CEO resigned.  Still, a lesson to be learned on separating your personal beliefs from your role as a leader…especially when it comes to other people’s rights.

There’s a _hit storm in full rage at Mozilla, the maker of the browser Firefox.

Seems their newly appointed CEO, Brendan Eich, who co-founded Mozilla, gave $1000 to the failed Proposition 8 campaign in California that wanted to ban same-sex marriage by defining marriage as only between a man and a woman.

Mozilla employees and now websites like OKCupid, an online dating site, are publicly admonishing Eich and Mozilla. In Fact, OKCupid has asked its nearly one million users a day to download a different browser than Firefox to access their site.

The message from OkCupid about Mozilla.

“Politics is normally not the business of a website, and we all know there’s a lot more wrong with the world than misguided CEOs. So you might wonder why we’re asserting ourselves today. This is why: we’ve devoted the last ten years to bringing people—all people—together. If individuals like Mr. Eich had their way, then roughly 8% of the relationships we’ve worked so hard to bring about would be illegal. Equality for gay relationships is personally important to many of us here at OkCupid. But it’s professionally important to the entire company. OkCupid is for creating love. Those who seek to deny love and instead enforce misery, shame, and frustration are our enemies, and we wish them nothing but failure.” OK Cupid

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Want Greater Influence? Then, Listen Up.

by Judith E. Glaser

When driving to a new location, we often stop at a gas station to ask for directions, use our GPS or a handy paper map to navigate unfamiliar territory. If we get lost, we need only refer back to the map to find our way.DecisionMaking. kraifreedom

Listening can be approached the same way.

Navigational Listening”  is the style of listening that makes us better executives. It accepts that listening is not an end in itself but part of a process that ends in a decision, strategy or change in behavior or viewpoint.

Salespeople listen for customer concerns. Lawyers listen for their opponent’s faulty logic. Psychiatrists listen for unconscious motivations. Training has taught all of them not to listen at face value, and to use the time lag between their hearing and subsequent speaking to properly evaluate what is being said. At the same time, they don’t dismiss their emotional response to the speaker, their “feel” for the situation, or their hunch of what might happen next.

A framework telling them how to influence a person’s thinking from Point A to Point B also guides these professionals.

In sales, the marketing rep wants to influence a customer with no interest to one ready to buy. The lawyer tries to influence the jury to his or her point of view. The psychiatrist works to influence the patient toward new insights about personal behavior, motivations or a view of the world.

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Selective Listening and How it Can Derail Our Business

by Judith E. Glaser

Try to recall a recent situation when you were a listener. It may have been a speech delivered by an executive, a discussion with a subordinate or an explanation from a peer.

Did you listen to facts or to specific words? Selective Listening and its effect of business
Did you paraphrase these words in your mind? Did the situation lead to new impressions, feelings and ideas? Were you affected by how the speaker stood, the volume of her voice or her appearance? Did the speaker’s emotional tone bother you? Were you evaluating his effectiveness as a communicator? Or were you so preoccupied that you didn’t listen at all, or only heard a little of what was said?

The listening adult’s mind is never blank or completely impartial. Our listening is influenced by events, relationships and experiences—all adding to what we hear and its meaning.  As objective as we would like to think we are when we listen, we actually are not.

Our physical and emotional states - being tired, angry, elated or stressful –  predisposes us to selective listening.

We hear one-seventh as fast as we think. While our mind has the time to listen, evidence suggests that we don’t always use that time well. Traditionally, ineffective listening has been viewed as a hearing problem. However, as we gain important new insight into the effect of listening well or poorly on the effectiveness of an organization, we recognize that ineffective listening is much more than just a hearing problem.

Listening is perhaps the most important component of communication for a manager. Done well, it will enable you to collect information for timely and effective decision-making. Done poorly, and you’ll draw the wrong conclusions.

Three of the most common listening mistakes that can derail our success in business

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Are Your Best Managers Hiding in Plain Sight?

by Helen Whelan

Over 80 % of the managers in companies aren’t cut out to be managers.  That’s according to several Gallup studies of hundreds of organizations, 27 million employees and more than 2.5 million work units over the past two decades.

Gallup found that companies get it wrong 82% of the time in who they name to be
TiredBusinessFolks.Ambromanager.  When you think that managers are directly responsible for employee engagement, this is a frightening statistic. Employee engagement is at an all time low of 30%. Just think what that means when it comes to customer service, sales, production, absenteeism, safety incidents…you name it for what makes a business work.

“Of the approximately 100 million people in America who hold full-time jobs, 30 million (30%) are engaged and inspired at work, so we can assume they have a great boss. At the other end of the spectrum are roughly 20 million (20%) employees who are actively disengaged. These employees, who have bosses from hell that make them miserable, roam the halls spreading discontent. The other 50 million (50%) American workers are not engaged. They’re just kind of present, but not inspired by their work or their managers.” State of the American Workplace, Gallup

Here are some good video trainings to help your managers be more effective:

So, what talent does it take to be a good manager?  It’s not what most bosses think.

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Are you a Giver or a Taker?

by Helen Whelan

Have you ever met a “taker”?

That’s the person who asks for a favor, help with a project, an introduction, you name it…but when you reach out to him or her, they’re too busy? They treat relationship as a transaction to “get” something.  As a result, how do you react next time they come around? Do you help them? Ignore the request? Or, do you match their energy and become a taker too?Are you a give or taker?

Stephen Covey, author of the perennial best-seller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, writes about creating the ability to make change happen by changing our own behavior. If you’ve ever taken a transformational training or read about human potential, you’ll know the concept of  ”There is no other person out there; there’s just you.” It’s all about how you are behaving in the world and the results that get created based on your behavior.

So, if you’re being a taker, most likely takers are entering your world.  You’ll know it because your relationships and communication are transaction-based. It’s all based on “WIIFM” – What’s in it for me? As a leader, this is exhausting. There’s really no flow,  just a lot of work to make the transactions work.

Then, there are the “givers”. You probably have come across people like this. They help because it’s just what they do. It’s in their DNA. They empathize. They genuinely connect. They somehow know how to enrich or even calm a stressful situation through effective relationship and communication skills. Customer service training videos actually show this behavior in action: calming angry retail customers or an irate patient in a healthcare situation. (Some of the videos are hilarious but not at all far from reality!)

But, sometimes, it’s hard to “elevate.” We just react, give into our feelings, to slights or perceived offense. We’re human. You meet a taker and that side of us can easily surface. We match that energy. We become a taker too.

Experience a “giver” and it’s a different story.  They take the time, however small, to help when they can. They aren’t trying to get something but if they needed something, I, for one, would scramble to be the first in line to help.   I actually keep these people in my mind and heart, looking for opportunities to help them.  I’m sure I’m not alone.  Maybe that’s why so many of them are successful.

Who do you want to be?  What kind of people do you want entering your world?

Image courtesy of nokhoog_buchachon /

Helen Whelan is the founder of Success Television, a leadership development media company. She is a passionate advocate of using media to empower people in their journey of personal and professional growth . You can follow her on Twitter @SuccessTV.

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