by Judith E. Glaser
Some neuroscientists are able to identify how our brain saves the “working history” of our experiences that are preparing us for our future Moment, as well as our future success.
However, we don’t have access to that history because it’s stored in our unconscious “filing cabinets”. The brain even stores this historical information for us into “hubs,” and when the Moment is about to happen, the hub appears and gives us access to the key learnings and neurochemical priming’s that enable the Moment to be realized!
What are we doing to create the space for each person to Justify their true identity to emerge in their unique Moment?
Connecting with Others: Mirror Neurons
Conversations are becoming the ‘answer’ to this amazing mystery. We are always communicating with others and with ourselves. We talk with ourselves about ourselves, and we talk with ourselves about others. Mirror neurons activate when we communicate with others and ourselves about others. These brain cells respond equally when we perform an action or witness someone else perform the same action. Our prefrontal cortex, the most advanced part of our brain, has Mirror Neurons that read the energy fields and messages we send and receive with others as we communicate with them and about them.
Mirror Neurons were first discovered in the early 1990s when two Italian researchers – neuroscientists Giacomo Rizzolatti, MD and Luciano Fadiga, MD, PhD found in the brains of macaque monkeys individual neurons that fired both when the monkeys grabbed an object and when the monkeys watched another primate grab the same object. Mirror Neurons were described in a 1995 paper in the Journal of Neurophysiology (Vol. 73, No. 6). Since then more advanced research about the mirror neurons has taken place to uncover that Mirror Neurons also help us read the intention of others when we are communicating with them.
Activating Our Moments: Three Priceless Principles
Here are three principles and practices from the field of Conversational Intelligence® that can help us find and align ourselves with our Moments and support others in finding theirs.
Practice 1: Observe rather than judge. Our thoughts are energy and we are designed to send and receive energy to each other which turn on and off genes. When we connect and communicate, or even think about others, we sense these thoughts in many parts of our body and mind. When we judge ourselves or others, we send invisible messages that we are not good enough. If we are watching others and judging them without realizing it, we also send messages that they are not good enough, and they feel this and start producing neurochemicals of fear such as cortisol.
So, start noticing the difference between observing and judging ‘interaction dynamics’. When you are judging, create an intentional shift to open the space to neutral – just observe or observe with compassion and caring – and you will create the space for you and others to grow. Observing rather than judging opens us up to learn and grow into our best selves where we can create our best Moments.
Practice 2: Notice, explore and discover our fascinations at the right time. Give ourselves and others space to explore and discover our fascinations as they emerge. Justify, the race horse who won the Triple Crown, was given time to grow into his talents. He was not pushed into running too early, which helped him “grow his love for the race” at the right time. Jacob Barnett, an autistic child, was processing big ideas before he had the words to explain these concepts. His mother and his coach helped him bridge these ideas by exercising the right muscles and creating a space for his internal growth to elevate his external communication with others.
Since each person’s developmental path is unique, notice the emerging patterns, support their journey when the time is right, and allow for unique growth patterns to emerge.
Practice 3: Practice being intentional. Some researchers are exploring whether mirror neurons respond not only to people’s actions or emotions, but also to the intent behind those actions. Notice when you are intentionally and openly acknowledging and valuing unique talents – and when you are not.
If you sense you are judging and are not honoring others’ voices or your own voice, intentionally shift and consciously communicate your intent to be supportive. When your intention is to develop others’ talents, they can feel your support and will thrive as a result. When your intention is to make yourself look good, smart and more powerful, they also sense that intention. Noticing our intentions and their impact helps us discover our Unique Identity and experience life’s greatest Moments!
Judith E. Glaser is CEO of Benchmark Communications, Inc. and Chairman of The CreatingWE Institute; an Organizational Anthropologist, consultant to Fortune 500 Companies, and author of four best-selling business books, including Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results. Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org or call 212-307-4386. To learn more about C-IQ for Coaches visit the website: www.ciqcoach.com